My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
