I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
