is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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