She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
