take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
