Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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