Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
