Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
