Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
