He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So many bounce houses so little time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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