so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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