Will you blow on my dice?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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