What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
