3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
