Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
