He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
