Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
