maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think my moral compass just broke
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
