i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
