I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
