i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
