rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
