Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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