I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
