i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
