I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
