Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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