i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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