Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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