She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
