based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
