hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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