he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
These tits shall not be calmed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
