i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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