We're like a lot better than the average bears
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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