im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
