Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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