When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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