i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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