I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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