I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
