If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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