This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
