"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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