if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
