on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
