Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
