Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
