I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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