why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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