i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
