i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
